This season of college life marks not only a significant step in a student’s journey but also calls for a transformation in our role as parents. It’s time to move away from traditional oversight, which involves close supervision, and embrace a new approach that brings more benefits to everyone involved. A time of intentional mentorship. This approach allows us to support our students in a way that fosters their independence while nurturing their walk with Christ. Intentional mentorship is about walking alongside our young adults with purpose and thoughtfulness, which is suggested in this article as a shift from managing their daily activities to becoming trusted advisors and confidants. This transition acknowledges that while our children are stepping into autonomy now more than ever, the opportunity for them to value our wisdom and experience doesn’t decrease. It increases!
One of the core aspects of intentional mentorship is active listening. As our children navigate the complexities of college life, they encounter challenges and experiences that shape their perspectives. By attentively listening to their thoughts and feelings, we validate their journey and affirm their capability to make decisions and their growth in discernment. Supporting their independence doesn’t mean stepping away but rather adjusting how we engage. It’s about trusting the foundation we’ve helped build throughout their upbringing and allowing them the space to apply it. So, no, this doesn’t mean we withhold advice when appropriate. But because our targeted prayer focus has shifted, and we have received peace from taking our concerns to our Father, we can offer guidance in a way that empowers them rather than directing them. Philippians 4:6-7 encourages us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” This verse emphasizes the tested foundational principle of releasing our concerns and placing our trust in God rather than taking control ourselves. This active trust on our part can strengthen their confidence and encourage them to take ownership of their choices. And when they stumble — as they likely will at times — our role is to demonstrate love and support that helps them learn and grow from those experiences.
Understanding this mentorship role also means recognizing the significance and value of modeling a genuinely lived-out faith. We know our actions often speak louder than words. Demonstrating patience and a legacy of faithfulness in our reliance on prayer in our own lives provides a powerful example for our children and perhaps a timely reminder. When they encounter challenges, they may have an opportunity to reflect and remember how they’ve seen us handle challenges (hopefully) with grace and conviction, offering them a tested blueprint for handling their own. It may be one of those “aha! moments” that are so powerful! And it’s not necessarily just a moment for them; it’s also a moment for us. It’s another opportunity for us to acknowledge and share in their achievements, both big and small. It enables us to reinforce their progress and motivate them to continue striving toward their goals. It’s a different take on being their cheerleader, celebrating not just academic successes but personal and spiritual milestones as well.
Of course, this role isn’t without its challenges. It’s not so easy to avoid the temptation to solve all their problems or shield them from every difficulty. It requires patience, adaptability, and some restraint. However, we know that allowing them to face challenges equips them with resilience and problem-solving skills. Yes, there may be moments of uncertainty or concern, but these are balanced by the rewards of seeing our children grow in Christ. Ultimately, intentional mentorship is rooted in love, duty, and respect. It’s about seeing our children as emerging adults and honoring their journey toward becoming who they are meant to be in Christ. By committing to intentional mentorship, we invest in their future and ours, nurturing a bond that endures and flourishes through the changing seasons of life. Hopefully, I’ve made the case for this approach.
As you mentor your students, encourage them to regularly attend and serve in their local church during their time at TMU. Continue to inquire about their participation in the spiritual disciplines of Bible reading, Bible study, and prayer. Your support in this area does not change; it’s foundational. As they mature in their independence and grow in their faith, this approach can potentially enrich your relationship and open a new door of fellowship, transforming and deepening our understanding of what it means to parent adult children.
